Brownies, Psalm 121, and Learning

My husband has taken off to go to school and I am hanging out here at our little house in the hills. I'm making brownies, because well, I'm a girl (no honeymoon baby here folks! contrary to popular opinion!) and they smell amazing. Not to mention that there is some very yummy Oreo Ice Cream up in my freezer (that tub of ice cream and I have a date...:).

I wanted the next I wrote to be about my honeymoon, because I have so many stories and so many things that I want to write and share (not TOO much mind you!) but as usual, there might be something more on my heart. And writing from the heart is way better, right?

My first two weeks of marriage were...an adventure. So many things happened that I didn't want to happen, and things that I was not expecting at all, a few surprises and a few hurts. If it can get worse than THIS then man, we are set for the future, because we have faced almost everything these last two weeks. Basically, it all started when we BOTH got sick on our honeymoon. I sure felt sexy running to the bath room every five seconds! My husband is patient and kind, and puts me above himself, so it really didn't bother him. Spending time on the pull out couch watching TV worked just fine for both us. Being together was enough, truly.

My bedside! 

This is where we really slept!

Coming home was the real challenge, and not because we didn't want to. Actually, we left early, and it was because my poor husband got sick and just wanted to be in his own home (I can't blame him, who wants to be sick at a hotel?!). The challenge was that I had to drive most of the way home, in the dark. It's a drive I've done half a dozen times, but the those big highways and freeways still make me panic a small bit. By 11:30 we were home, and that in and of itself was a hard thing for me.

My husband and I made the choice to live separately until we were married, this also means, that no, we did not have sex until we were married. I have no shame in saying that. And you know, it was worth of every second of waiting. This means however, that I have never spent a full night in the bed that is now ours, and I will admit that that first night at my new home with my new husband was hard. I cried. I kept feeling like I needed to go home to tell my parents where I was, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was still in a hotel. In fact, in the middle of the night after so much tossing and turning, I told my Beloved this. His response? He held me. Stroked my hair, told me that it was going to be ok. That it would take time. (He promptly fell back asleep though, I can't blame him, the poor man was so sick). I never thought I would need so much patience from one human, and I tell ya, he's got that patience thing down. And I am so grateful. 

We decided on our honeymoon to read the book of John together, and that was a super awesome best idea we've ever had. Have you ever woken up in the morning knowing that person next to you loves God as much as you do? It's a glorious feeling. It's been hard now that we are in the "real" world to keep that up, but we will, I know we will. If something is important to you, you make time for it. 

I am learning how to lean on my Beloved. I am learning that when I am hurt, he is hurt, that when I can't sleep, he can't sleep, that when he can't sleep, I don't sleep well. I am learning that I have to ignore the world for him, that texts from friends are not as important as time with my Beloved. I am learning that I will get mad for stupid stupid stupid things, and that the best thing to do, is bite my tongue. Or say "This happened in my head and I'm mad but it's not for a good reason..." that one happens a lot. Or to wake him up in the middle of the night when I'm having a panic attack because of snow and can't breath. 

Our House in two feet of snow!

I am learning how to get all that encouragement that I need from him. To draw on his strength and to believe that he loves me and works for me and needs and wants to hear all about the stupid things that happened during the day. 

We have the joy and privilege of only having one car right now. Yes, I did say privilege. We go to work together and we come home together. My day just feels so much better when I start it with the word of God and the man I love so very much. For now, it's not so bad only having one car, not to mention the money we save on gas! I know that one day I will need a car, and when I do, in God's Perfect Timing, I will have one. And oh what a glorious day that will be to see the way He provides. And don't worry, we are actively working on this one. 

I have Psalm 121 stuck in my head and heart lately. 

"I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth!"

I have found myself to be very discouraged in the past week. Not when it comes to my marriage of course, but for the rest of my life...I'll admit, I've felt a bit abandoned in some things. I kept pouring my heart out to the Lord, asking Him for help, asking Him who I should be better friends with, asking Him about everything, and this verse just keeps coming back to me.

This week at Church, we sang a song that we sang one summer as a Staff Song at the camp I worked at.

"He is jealous for me, Love's like a Hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and Mercy.

And Oh, how He Loves us So,
Oh, How He Us,
How He loves us So."

I may or may not have broken down into tears right there in the pew. I couldn't sing the song. I couldn't. All I could think about what the community at camp and the amazing Love that I felt there. So much accountability and encouragement. I miss that. I miss that a lot. And the Lord brought Psalm 121 to my attention again, and He says "If you can't find it in others, find it in Me. I'm here, I'm right here. I can encourage you!"

So I'm drawing all my strength from the Lord Almighty and my Beloved. Because right now, that's what I've got to do. :)

I'm gonna go watch Little Women and eat my brownies and ice cream. Y'all have a blessed night, I know I will.