Drink Deeply

I had a bit of a moment today. It's been happening more and more lately, and all day, I've been trying to put into words the way I felt today. Happy, proud, annoyed, done, frustrated, over it, content, discontent, worried, not worried, joyful, sad...those are some of the emotions I ran through this fine Monday.

I could go through a list of things that are "wrong" right now. I could tell you how worried I get and how frustrated I get at other people who have "better" things than me, or do "whatever" they want. I could be honest and tell you I get jealous and covet and I realize how important that commandment is, that we don't covet what others have.

I was simultaneously content and discontent today. It was strange. I thought about last night and curling up next to my husband and falling asleep right there in his arms. I thought about waking up that morning and how he made me breakfast and we got to work and at one point I just looked at him and thought, if we had more than one car, I would miss these little morning drives that I get to have with him.

As the day wore on, I got less and less cheerful. I'm not sure there's an exact reason, but I did. I lost sight, for however brief of a moment, of that contented joy I had felt that morning. I do not say this with pride. All day, my head has been going over the things that I know for sure, and my heart has been trying to tell me all the things I should be feeling: fear, worry, doubt.

I heard this song on the radio, a Christian station that my Beloved usually always has playing. It's from a band I don't normally like, but you should listen to it. Go ahead, just listen for a second.

At first I got mad, because as a Navy Daughter, I have the utmost respect for the military and for this Country that, though it has many flaws, allows me to worship my Lord. But as I listened more I was struck by the words.

It made me think of the American Dream, to own a house, and have two point five kids, and two cars, and fancy things. Is this what I've been wanting so much lately? I stopped, and counted my blessings.

The fact that my husband and I have no debt, the fact that every Sunday we go to Church and see BOTH our families, the fact that we always have enough to cover our bills, the fact that we have some saved up, the fact that my Beloved Loves the Lord. These are the things that seemed to slip my mind in thinking that I needed this American Dream. But the truth is, I have everything I already need. Another car? A bonus. A house of our own? A bonus. A new job? A bonus.

Let me make this clear, everything that I have, is from the Lord, and believe me, I know it, and He reminds me.

My other favorite part of this song is when he sings,

"Drink deep in the morning, see what the day will bring."

Drink deeply of the love that surrounds you, drink deeply of the Fathers life and freedom and grace, and don't just wake up, but greet the day. Welcome it in, because Life can be so beautifully lived. It's hard to think that at three thirty when you're driving alone to pick up one more application for an apartment, but it's the truth. 

Drink Deeply friends of this life that the Lord has given you. 

I would say I am, but I think it's better to say, I'm trying to. 

Serve and Obey

You know, yesterday I was cleaning up my house, and it was pretty intense. When I got married, I went from my little one bedroom in my parents basement to a house. A whole HOUSE. If you don't think this is a big deal, you're silly. Because in a house, there are three rooms and hugeish kitchen and I am the woman, and I take pride in keeping this house clean. However, it's a lot of work.

Don't get me wrong, this blog post is not about me complaining, but about a realization I had yesterday while I was bouncing around the house sweeping, picking up, and mopping. I guess I should start with the fact that for four summers of my life I worked at a summer camp. And because I'm a die hard loyal fan of that camp, which you should all go check out (if you aren't a camp friend who already reads this blog) I have to tell you that pretty much every day of my life there, I cleaned.

We all did. It was part of the job. We scrubbed toilets, plunged them, swept floors, mopped, inhaled Tub and Tile like it was the only cleaning supply that ever existed, and we did it all with a willing heart. Because no matter who you are, when you work at a summer camp like that, you realize that you are a servant of Christ. That who are you, for a brief moment, doesn't matter, so long as you are doing what you need to be doing, you are serving.

It's easy to think that way while you're out there in the summer serving. It's harder to think that way when you've worked all week, you're tired, and Netflix is right there and you could be watching Lost chilling in your ugly clothes eating some leftover Stroganoff. (Can you tell what I would have rather been doing yesterday morning?) As I took out my Lysol wipes, I had a sudden realization about cleaning my own house...

I was still serving. I am still serving, right here, in my own way, in my own home. As I swept my floors and sang loudly to some NeedtoBreath, all I could think about was those happy times at camp where I scrubbed toilets and had a big huge smile on my face while I was doing it. It made me realize that even in my own home, I'm still a servant.

I wish I had remembered this while I was growing up. It would have saved me from a lot of fights and tears and anger with my mom. It would have saved me from having the door knob taken from my door, and from lots of fights with my poor little sister Evie.

As I moved the rest of the chairs back into my kitchen, I had a big smile. See God has been speaking to me a lot about obedience and listening and following what He asks me to do. I had a crazy experience earlier this week, where God literally spoke in that still small voice and asked me to take care of one of His "least of these". It ended with me spending $50 that was not part of our "budget", you can imagine how well that went over with my Beloved. That night we realized we hadn't gone out this month. At least once a month we try to go on a  big fancy date, and I had just spent our big fancy date money. Were we upset? No and I'll tell you why...

About a month and a half ago my Beloved asked me if he could spend some money to buy a steak dinner to support our local 4H center. I told him yes. We've had steak dinner tickets pinned to our board for all that time. Did you catch that? We did not need that $50, but those people I gave them to did, and my Lord, already knew that. 

It will never cease to amaze me the things that the Lord does and shows me. I hope that He always teaches me things. That He always shows me things, because I still need Him too. I still needed to be reminded that I am to be in service to him and to others. I still need to be reminded to listen and to obey what the Lord is calling and telling me to do. Serve and Obey. Those are very simple things, and yet we all struggle so much with them. I still struggle with them.

It's good to be reminded though. It's good to allow God to work in your life. I know I appreciate it. :)

J&J Wedding: Part Two

Get ready kids this might be a long post, and there might be millions of pictures. But not before I tell you how amazing the ceremony at the wedding I was at was.

I've been to a lot of weddings and most of the time, I end up crying. I get really happy for people. It's no joke, taking that step towards committing to some one in such a way. Some how, I didn't cry at this wedding, I just smiled a lot. A lot a lot.

First of all, instead of bridesmaids carrying flowers, they carried their bibles, because after a brief sermon by the GROOM, that's right, the GROOM, they each read a verse.

The warmth and love that surrounded this couple and their wedding astounded me. The bride and groom tried so hard to point their wedding towards the Lord, and in my opinion they accomplished this. Not only did the Groom talk about the Jewish wedding customs, they worshiped with their wedding guests and offered communion to them as well.

How often do you see a couple stop their wedding ceremony to worship the Lord? My heart was so full of joy at this moment that I could hardly stand it.

After they worshiped together, and after the groom spoke, they offered to their guests Communion in a simple beautiful way.

So often you meet couples and brides that are very "this is all about me", I'll confess to being one of them, but this simple reminder that marriage is sanctioned by God went straight into my very heart.

So say that it was an honor to take pictures for this couple is silly, and not enough. It blessed me. Not just because I got the chance to be doing something I love to be doing, but because it convicted me to make sure that in all things, I am honoring the Lord.

And for the record, this is only the Part Two, there is still more to come, because the Bride, Mrs.Erwin, is a DANCER. So their reception was like a scene from a choreographed movie! I can't wait to show y'all more pictures!

Also check out my NEW WEBSITE! No joke, real life, it's there. :) mjaquesphotos.webs.com, it's still a work in progress and there's lots more to be done, but it's real. So now if you know anyone who needs to get some pictures done, tell them to go take a look, I'd love to start booking more sessions!

J&J Wedding: Part One

I'm not sure how many parts these blogs might be, or how long it will take me to get to them, but I'm pretty excited about sharing some of the pictures that I got to take this week. It was INTENSE.

I love weddings, and so far this year, this the third wedding, including my own, that I've been too. They are hard work, but so worth doing to celebrate with family and friends.

The wedding I yesterday, was or a good friend of my Jocelyn ERWIN, formally known as Jocelyn Ray. I've known her since way back in the high school days when we worked together, she taught dance, I taught art, we were friends. We became even better friends when we found out we have a mutual faith in the Lord. It's always good to meet people who believe in the ONE True God.

Jocelyn is not your typical bride. She was hysterical and sassy and I had a good time taking her pictures. Today I just wanted to share a few of the funnier ones that I caught.

The bride and groom decided to do all their portraits and pictures before hand, which I gotta admit, was a GENIUS idea. I grabbed the bride and groom and headed to take some pictures in the park. And there we had our first testament of real love, "Babe, you got something in your teeth." And no hesitation to help her out! I thought it was pretty funny. And then Mrs.Erwin decided to Limbo her way under the fence instead of walking around through the opening. Are you starting to see how much fun I had out there with those two? Her are some more funny shots that I wanted to share.

See how cute and fun she is!? I took about a million and half pictures of these two lovely folks, I just couldn't help myself.

I even broke out the new fish eye to play with!

Unlike most brides, she was not afraid to get her dress dirty, and before I knew she had plopped herself down in the ground and was staying put! I don't blame her, I carried her dress, that thing was gorgeous, but oh man was it heavy!

She also decided to photo bomb her bridal party. Here I am setting them up, trying to get people to smile, and the next thing I know the bride is in the picture! There was a lot of laughing after that, and who can blame them. :)

There are still A LOT more pictures I want to share, and I'm still editing a LOT of them. I'm doing better than I normally do though, so look for the next post, where I get a little more serious and talk about the AMAZING ceremony that these two had and how incredibly centered around the Lord it was. :)

Mustard Seeds, Faith, and my Dad

First of all, I just transferred 1,3026 pictures to my external hard drive. 1,3026. 1, 3026?! Seriously, I'm glad that I know that there are people out there who are like me. Gives me some warm and fuzzies.

Secondly, tomorrow I'm going to start taking pictures for a wedding! I'm pretty excited about it, even if sometimes I get worried that people won't like my pictures. I'm gonna get over this, one day...maybe...somehow.

Thirdly, this weekend has been, you know, a weekend. To try and sum it up I would have to quote the parable of the Mustard Seed. Because this has been on my mind all weekend, and normally when that happens, it means that God is working on something in me.

The mustard seed. A tiny little itty bitty seed that Jesus says is just the right amount. Right! Right? What!? I get so mad at myself because I just don't think that my faith is big enough. I start to think about all these great people I admire, and their faith, my husband, my mom, my dad, my big brothers, their wives, and they all seem to have so much faith. Oh I know they struggle and they have things, but in my head it's never the way that I struggle.

Did you know, every month I think, "we won't be able to pay our bills". Every month. Add to this that we are still looking for a place to live and we are still trying to sell and get rid of a car that was a big huge bad mistake. And every month, God sends someone to calm me down, to remind me that He IS God and that I WILL be taken care of. Every month we pay ALL our bills and every month we are fine. At the end of every month, I think "Wow Lord, look what you have done!" You would think that I would have this rock solid awesome faith right? Well...some days I do.

When I was thinking about that mustard seed all I could think was that it was a seed. Seeds have to tended to, cared for, soil selected, sun shine needed. All these things go into making a simple seed grow.

There are days when I am spending time in the Word and praying and dwelling on the things of God. There are days when I wake up late and cranky and don't and that seed that I'm supposed to be taking care of does not grow. Do you see where I'm going with this?

I've just been thinking about it all weekend. What have you been thinking about?

And since I always post pictures, now would be a good time to talk about how my Beloved was gone for the most part this weekend (except that he got to come home last night and be home all day today!) and I spent a lot of time with my family.

My Dad always finds these really neat places, and I'm glad that I get to go with him sometimes. This time he took us all out to Williamsport Maryland where you can see some of the C&O Canal, it's a neat place, you should check it out. It was nice to spend the day with my Mom and Sisters and my Dad.

I like that he takes us places that are real, that have history behind them and are interesting. Here's this old broken down bridge and we think it's awesome, because, well, it is. I hope that I carry that with my for the rest of my life. That I find interesting old places and take my kids for picnics and to explore, spending time together.

As much as I'm like my Momma, I'm a lot like my Daddy too. I like these old places and the things that have that can teach us things. I like going to new places that aren't new at all, but have been around for years. My Dad is a cool guy, and every day that I'm married I thank the Good Lord that I found someone like him. Even today my Husband did something so like my Father that it infuriated me. If girls pick men like their Daddies, then shoot, I had the best role model ever, despite his faults and failures. :)

We all had a good time together, as well as a goofy one. I'm not sure how, but every time I'm with the Carrigan side of things, we get a little out of hand. Now, I'm not gonna explain this picture, but please accept it for what it is, and be thankful that you have a picture of me. 

Art Means DOING

So there's this spot in my town that I like to go to to take pictures and play and walk. It's a boat landing. There was a time when no one else ever went there and I would go dance in the parking lot, weren't those the good old days hm? I love this spot, because it's small town and romantic and all the sudden there are a lot of people there all the time. They made some land into a dog park...a dog park?! I have to admit to NOT being an animal person at all, so the fact that there is even a sign there makes me slightly mad. My little kid self thinks, but it was MY place FIRST.

Yesterday I took my fun new lens down to this spot though to have some fun, and fun I had. :)

As you can see I still have a whole bunch to learn about this lens and these are only the very images that I was working. I always forget how much I like going out to see what I can see, just to take pictures. I think artists sometimes are so concerned with what they will do with their creativity that they don't remember to enjoy that creativity. Oh Lord, let that never happen to me!

While I was there, there was a group of people out swimming in the river, why, I do not know. Yes it has been warm, no that water was NOT warm enough to swim in (I know I got my feet rather wet...). While I was on the embankment some people who were further out asked me in my name was Laurie and if I wanted to swim too. It was rather amusing. I'm finding that when you have a camera in your hands, people tend to think you are rather important.

Take the above two boys for example. I told them that I had a new lens and I was testing it out to see how it worked. I asked if I could take their pictures and they said yes. It was pretty hysterical  they yelled out to the people farther out "She's got a new Lens! She wants to take our picture!" They then shouted to me, "Will you take our picture too!?" "No, you're to far out!" I told them.

Those shots I got of those boys were some of my favorite so far. I can see myself really using and playing with this lens a whole lot. I was also struck by the thought that people don't see people doing art anymore.

Let me explain. I had the fortunate ability to travel to Italy after I graduated High School (if I could find those pictures I would post them!) and while I was there I saw art like you wouldn't believe. But the best part were the painters and artists on the street, sketching, photographing, doing. Be honest, when was the last time you saw an artist sketching a building while you were walking down the street? I think America really misses out on something because we don't get to see this physical action as much.

I remember once when I was not in school I took my sketch book and pencils to a local park. I drew pictures of kids on the swings and they came and asked me what I was doing, and asked if they could show my pictures to their grandma. She was creeped out at this stranger drawing pictures of her grandkids in the park, she told me she thought it was great.

It is interesting to me that we see so little artists out in the streets, and I love that I am not afraid to be out there with my sketch books and camera doing what I enjoy doing. Seems so simple doesn't it?

Art is a living breathing entity. It does. Look at Creation and what God has done. It didn't just happen. He made it. There was work involved, and you could see and can still see the action behind His words. If we are to call ourselves artists and photographers we can't be afraid to be seen doing things.

Just like those boys at the boat landing saw me taking pictures.

It gave me a warm fuzzy and warm fuzzies are meant to be shared. :)

This new lens is fun. Here have some more photographs.

And the nest for last, my God son Rayden Thor, who, I have decided, needs to be a wrestler. :)

Fish Eye Lens!

So every now and again I believe in buying "fun" things. An by fun things, I mean things that are within your means, that you keep telling yourself that you will buy, but you're always like, naw, I can't justify this. Every one out there can relate to this, don't tell me you can't! We've all got bills to pay and things to do and places to go and gas to buy, buying "extra" things is not always so easy.

But a few weeks ago, my Husband got a harmonica set that he wants to learn to use, and I said, well, I want a new fun lens for my camera. I have wanted one for a long time, and I keep saying I'll get it, but I never do. Because it's money that can be spent on groceries or gas or bills, and I just couldn't see myself ACTUALLY buying this new lens. It's hard work convincing yourself that you deserve something...

I finally did it though! So ladies and gentlemen I give you, the Fish Eye Lens.

So the fish eye lens is more of a creative fun lens than a hardcore serious lens (at least that the's way it seems to me!) and I don't think there are many photographers that would "justify" buying a lens for "professional" reasons. (I could be making that up, but that's kinda how I see it!) I love to take creative pictures. I love to get weird angles and make people feel good about themselves and I like to maybe try and use and do things that others don't. Hence this crazy looking lens.

It seems like so small of a thing, but truly, it makes me happy. I like adding to the things that I have, and I am not limited by this camera that I have. I do believe that no matter the photographer, fancy equipment doesn't make you BETTER at things like lighting and composition, it just gives you fancier EQUIPMENT. That equipment means nothing for personal style and god photography.

Anyway, I was super excited about this lens and wanted to share the very first pictures I've taken with it. :)

I'm gonna have to go out to the park or boat landing and play with this new lens now, so I'm sure I'll post more pictures soon, maybe tomorrow. God has been opening more doors for me to take photographs for people. I make even take a BIG step this weekend and make a Facebook Page...I've been avoiding that one. And I finally figured out why!

It's hard in this day and age to say "I'm a photographer." I feel that there are a lot of twelve year old's out there taking "Myspace" shots calling themselves photographers. And there are a lot of people out there now with really nice Canon's and Nikon's who truly ARE wonderful photographers. To group myself with and try to see if I could earn a living off of this is daunting. It might start slow, and I'm still unsure, but God is leading me more and more to look into to doing this for real.

So I will continue this journey and continue to take pictures of all these wonderful things that the Lord has created. Because after all, God's Art is all around us and in us and IS us. :)

My Mothers Legacy

So I was started dinner tonight, and it was a fun experience. I recently spoke to my sister in law, the amazing Lori Poo, who encouraged me to try new things in the kitchen (you know, I just thought of a very different way that that sentence could have gone...) and experiment because really, this is the only way you learn. And she's right. So now today for the first time I tried something VERY new.

When my Husband and I got back from our honeymoon, his mom (that wonderful woman) brought us groceries. I can't tell you how much I appreciated that. Here I was with my new husband and I have nothing to cook for him. As a young wife, this was sending me into pseudo-panic attacks. If you're anything like me, all you ever wanted was to be able to cook dinner for your husband, and I couldn't. All I could think was, Great, what an awesome wife I'm turning out to be. And here comes with lovely woman with a basket full of groceries for me. However, there was some stuff I didn't quite know about. Like the stuff above, what in the worlds is this I thought!?

Tonight I used it in a recipe. I made some chicken, made some Quinoa, sauteed some onion and garlic, threw in some chicken broth and spices and BOOM dinner is served, right?

If only things were so easy. I'm learning that cooking makes messes, and while I was prancing around my kitchen cooking tonight, all I could think was, I get it Mommy. I get why you told me to wash dishes while I worked, why you hated making dinner, and more importantly why you hated letting me cook in your kitchen. I just get it. My Quinoa was simmering and my chicken was ready to be added, so I took a second to do the dishes in the sink.

I think that Moms know things. I can see now, how, my whole life was a learning experience and my Mommy tried so desperately to teach me things. Like to pick up my clothes, to not leave wet towels on the floor, to make my bed, not to leave dishes in other rooms, and to clean your dishes as you cook. Now that I'm in my own house making my own rules I'm finding out that a lot of them are the rules that my Mommy made.

Dinner, in the end, was good, and it looked something like this,

It wasn't my very favorite, but it was edible, and my husband liked it, so really, that's all that matters right?

I think, more than cooking, I just liked being in my kitchen thinking about my Mommy and all the useful things that she taught me. I don't have anything to clean in my kitchen right now, which is why I can write this post. And if silly things like that stick in my mind, then I know, no matter what, I will never forget my Mommy and the things that she taught me. Even if I spent most of my life arguing with her and fighting her and being mean to her. Seriously folks, there was a good chunk of time my Mom did NOT like me, she'll tell you so herself.

But when I think about the way I run my own kitchen, I will always think of her. And I know this would make her happy, because this is the legacy that she left me; a good heart, a happy home, and a clean kitchen.