I'm Just Not June

So I'm making dinner super late tonight, because the Husband's new job gives him weird hours and he's gone until ten, and I JUST NOW finally got hungry, and when I cook, I think a lot.

I'm making this casserole noddle cheese thing and thinking about how nice it will be for my Husband to come and have dinner that he can heat and a clean floor and I recall a conversation that he and I had not long ago.

Somewhere along my delusional girl mind I had this theory that the house/apartment/living space should always be super clean for him when he gets home, and dinner should just be coming from the oven, and laundry should be done. Somewhere along the way, I decided that June Cleaver was going to be living at our household.

What I thought I was supposed to look like...

I would greet my Beloved in a cute apron and a clean dress, and the dishes would be done, and the house would be cleaned and I would never ever be overwhelmed.

So this past month, while we're moving and dealing with crazy landlords and other personal things, I had this crazy mental breakdown, because I was not able to do all this. Because I am only one woman, and most of the time, just like you, I need help.

I'm not saying that this is not what I want. I still want to be a Bride, and a Mommy, and all that that entails. However, as I was sitting there sobbing to my poor husband (who probably just asked me some silly question) he said something I've written down now about three times, because I can't forget this, I can't.

"If that is your expectation of yourself for our marriage, stop. Just stop. You won't always be able to. There will always be dishes, there will always be something that needs to be cleaned, and you will not always want to cook dinner. You will be tired, and sometimes cranky, and baby, that's fine. So long as I come home to you, none of that other stuff matters. And if it matters so much to you, that will cause problems for us later, so...you know...stop."

So I know that all you married people out there are saluting the amazing male human that is my husband. You woman who have been where I was, are standing and smiling and shouting for joy that someone else's husbands gets it. Not only that, he caught this early in our marriage. And you know, he's right. 

I like to clean and make things nice and serve. Some days though, I wake up, and hate, you know, pretty much everything. My husbands love and support help me get through the day sometimes. 

It's so fun to me that I've kept up with this little blog. I hope that one day I can look back at how silly I was when we first got married. To see our courtship, our marriage, and then these first months... the lessons and heartache and growing up that we both had to do. Some people look at us and say, "But you're just babies! How can you be married!?" I understand now. 

But doing all of this with a man who says such sweet things like that well...it makes it all worth it doesn't it? :)