Mental Health

I hope there is always room in my life for random trips to the beach with my best friends. I hope that I always remember that sometimes, you have to forget what's going on, and just go. I hope that I always remember Adventures, and Talks, and Walks, and Singing out loud in the car.

I feel refreshed and renewed this week, and it's all because of my weekend. I had two very good friends take the time to take the time for me.

See I've been waiting 40 weeks for a certain day to come around. While this may not seem so big to others it was big to me. I'm an emotional person, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I cry openly, and I get angry openly. If I am passionate about something, I'm open about it. So when, this Friday, I celebrated the "what could have been" I needed to have a few moments.

It didn't help that Blair was gone at Drill, again, during this time. I have two very beautiful people though, who instead of letting me be alone and sad, said "Hey, let's have an Adventure." Really what it turned out to be was a Mental Health Trip. I need those. We need those. You need those, even if you don't think that you do.

Basically, we got to go be. To just exist somewhere else, where no one knew our names, where no one knew why we were there.

I sat on the beach and felt small. I sat there and soaked in the sunshine because I'll be honest, the worst part of winter, for me, is that there is less sunshine. I love me some Vitamin D friends. So I took it, all that I could to store up for days like Sunday and Monday, when it snowed.

Grief in and of itself is such a hard thing. Doing it alone is even harder. Me? I have friends and family who rallied around me and made me feel so much less alone. These two? It's like they know that sometimes, I just don't want to talk about it. And sometimes I do. And sometimes it means nothing. And sometimes it means everything. Sometimes things are just so big and you can't handle it. Sometimes you need to run away to the Beach. 

See, I'm gonna have a little one (on the outside of me) soon. It won't be so easy to just drop it all and go. It won't be so easy to stop thinking. And even when I do manage to find someone to watch the little booger (I have plenty of people who would...ahem...Grammy and Grumpy) I know I would be a little sad the whole time being without her. I'm taking advantage of these last few months of being just a Maddie, because I am selfless enough to know that when she comes, it all changes.