When Life Slows

 I wish I had learned to make soft pretzels a long time ago. 

I wish I had made you real mashed potatoes every chance I got. 

I wish I could call you to ask about how to fix the running toilet or send you pictures of the drywall repair I did on my own. 

I wish I recorded you talking more. 

I wish you could make fun of me for letting my kids get a cat. 

I wish you were here to laugh about me having another baby girl. 

I wish you were camping with Mommy for the weekend, asking me to go look after Mommys cats. 

I wish you could FaceTime with Dean, so he could tell you he’s five and all about his lego game. 

I wish you were here to let Deano crawl into your lap at the computer to watch old Looney Tunes. 

I wish you were here so you could find me after church and insist we come over for dinner. 

I want to sit with you while you watch absolutely anything on the TV, including football. 

I want to hear you rant about the current anything...I don’t even care, anything. 

I want to ask to borrow the truck for something and hear you tell Blair you can help him or that you want his help. 

I just want to hear your voice. To hear you call me Madalynn again. 

Some days, I don’t think about any of this. And some days it’s all I can think about. 

When life slows down, when Ana goes for a nap, when Dean and Ellie are still and quiet and cuddly...my mind wanders Daddy. 

And I just miss you.