Writing Helps A Grump

I have to warn you folks, I'm grumpy today. I am. It's the truth. It's yucky looking outside, it's cold, and my husband didn't sleep last night. If there is one thing I am learning about being married, it's that if he doesn't sleep, I don't sleep. The opposite is true for him. True Story: the other night, I was tossing and turning and turned so sharply that I hit my husband in the head with my own hard head. I then cried because I hurt him. These are the type of stories that I will be telling my children...oh boy...that's gonna be good times.

I'm trying to convince myself to write even on these days, because, I do like to go back and re-read the things that I write. I was doing that already today, and man, I gotta tell you, three months ago, I was all "Does God want me to start a photography business?" And now all I can think is, "God, where should we live?" It's crazy how things change so much.

I still have these days where I wish I were living in my parents basement, and borrowing their van, and listening to my little sisters argue right outside my door. I miss my Mommy, I don't see her as much as I'd like. That's been killing me. (And there is so much more to that than you could know, mainly because my mother in law literally lives down the road, and we get eggs and milk from her...we are working on our balances) I keep telling people that I have to pretend to be kinda like a maybe grown up type human...thing. It's not working. Days like today, I want to turn the alarm off and forget the world exist and that things happened.

I want to forget the craziness of the last three weeks where we thought we had to move, but then we found out last Thursday that we don't have to move and we can stay at our little house in the hills (though we aren't sure what we are going to truly end up doing...). I want to forget that last night when my husband crawled into bed with me after I was already asleep, he told me that some coals had fallen out of the wood stove and burnt some of the carpet. See, these are the type of things that as an adult, I kinda wish I could just forget.

This is the burnt carpet. 

As far the coal thing goes, I can't complain. It snowed here Monday and we turned off the heat. Seriously! How awesome is that! It was so hot in here that we wore shorts...ok, I can't lie, I didn't wear pants, but then, I hated wearing pants anyway so it's not a big deal, right? I'm grateful for the wood stove here at this house, and I'm soooo grateful for a husband who goes and chops wood for me. I mean...he does cut a striking figure out there working hard..hmmm. (INDULGE ME, we JUST got married...in fact, I think in twenty years, I can imagine saying that then too).

Our wood stove. :)

I am finding things to be thankful for today, and honestly, there are a lot. I feel like the whole world is blowing up around me, and everyone is just...freaking insane. But for the most part, I'm content to come home with my husband and make dinner and just...be here. I don't want to do much else, not right now. We're still working on our balance...I'm trying not to loose old friendships, while acknowledging that they are all changing. I want to hang out with people! I do! We just have to work on times and plans. I'm pretty good with go with the flow, but the Hubs...he's gotta have his plans.

Life is still a work in progress. It doesn't stop. I got married. I'm still alive, not dead yet you know? As even though today was kinda grumpy, I'm still blessed and I'll get over it. It also helps that my Hubs and I got treats in the mail! Treats that are Essential Oils and Harmonicas! I'll let you guess who got what. ;)

And that, people, is all. :)

Snow Days Together

So I can't lie to you folks, I've been confused by this crazy weather stuff going on. Here I am thinking, hooray, Spring, hooray, and then...well...there's snow. And not just a little snow but gratuitous amounts of death snow. But tons! METRIC BUT TONS! It's rather confusing. I'm confused, as are, I think all the birds. I keep seeing Cardinals all over the place and in my own back yard there are quite a few robins that were out playing in the snow when it started yesterday.

This morning when the husband and I woke up, we made the judgement call to stay home. Living on a mountain like we do, it just seemed like a better choice. I also happen to be the biggest chicken when it comes to driving in the snow, if I don't absolutely have to, well, I won't. 

We spent the day together, turned off the heat and made a fire in the wood stove. Even though our heat was off our living room was stifling. Seriously, we turned fans on and we were shorts! It was pretty awesome. 

It was nice to have this sudden day off together. We didn't even do much together, because he's on a goofy mine craft kick, and well, I love to read. I don't think we spent more than a few hours in the same room, until we watched Star Trek (the new one?) together tonight because I'd never seen it. 

I also took advantage of this snowy cold day to try my hand at making some Broccoli Cheddar Soup! I even took some pictures, because um. it's me. And I get obsessive. 

I'm not brave enough to make some things on my own, from scratch yet, so yes, I used some packets from the store. All I needed a whole bunch of milk and fresh broccoli. Fun fact, my amazing mother in law owns goats and chickens (she used to have a pig, but he's now a little butchered and real cold up in our freezer) so we get fresh eggs and goats milk. The goats milk took a little while for me to get used to, but I use it a lot in cooking and my husband eats it with his cereal. I'm glad he does, in some things, he's so much braver than me.

As I was stirring my soup and chopping up my broccoli I marveled at all that God has given me in this kitchen. I have so much space to work with, and I love it. I also noticed that once again, my loving man has done the dishes for me. He has these spurts of productivity and if there are dishes, he does them. It is such a little thing, but it means so much to me, because I certainly love to cook and feed him!

Having my own kitchen to make my own messes in is wonderful. I seriously can't tell you how much I love it. I knew I liked to cook, but I realized I never did it as much as I wish I had growing up. My mom claimed (and was probably right in claiming) that I would make messes in her kitchen but never clean them up. In my own, I can do things however I want to and it doesn't matter because it's MINE. It's hysterical to me that every time I use a wooden spoon I think about my mom. Not because she used them though, she couldn't stand the things! She would be the first to tell you this though, so to all those kids out there that got whoop'ens with a wooden spoon, I feel for you, that never happened to me.

My soup was yummy, and my Beloved liked it, and it was warm and good in our tummy's. What more can you ask for!?

Cooking for just two people is tricky, I'm so not used to this. I usually have to cook for so many more people! We always end up with a lot of leftovers. :)

I would love to tell you this will turn into a cooking blog, but that's a lie. If anyone in my family needs to make a cooking blog it would be my two oldest sister in laws (Ange, Lori, a joint blog, hmmm?) because those two are cooking/baking Queens! They are always trying something new! Maybe one day, I'll be as brave as they are in the kitchen!

Until then, I'll just post what comes to mind. Things like pictures and spending time with this wonderful man God has given me or lessons we are still learning or how gracious God is or how I may have stopped biting my nails for a month and a half but now it's back worse than ever!

I like to share with you all. I hope that you are uplifted by anything, something that I say here. Because well...that's really the best thing isn't it? To make someone else smile? :)

Until next time avid readers, I hope that the Lord bless and keep you.

Tales From the Honeymoon

Hello there! I'm sure you've all been dying to hear about my honeymoon and see some more pictures right?! Because, all four of you read this, you obviously don't know that we had an amazing time even though we got sick, and you need to read what I write because...well...you do?

Anyways, I finally uploaded some of the more fun pictures I had from my phone to the computer, and decided to go ahead and share those with you.

Starting that Sunday as a married couple, I did, indeed, get very sick. I couldn't tell you the last time I threw up so violently. It was...well...in sickness and health right? We made the best of it, and honestly just being with my Husband was enough. Once I started to feel better/like I could keep food down, we headed across the street to a "Planet Pizza" which I'm pretty sure was modeled after Toy Stories Pizza Planet...I mean...look...judge for yourself...

That could so be pizza planet! It was gooooood pizza though, we both enjoyed it. Also, side note, we were in Va Beach during the off season, therefor, pretty much every place was deserted. We were the only people in that restaurant.. Which worked for us, because whenever we go out to eat, there are books involved.

Speaking of books, while on our honeymoon we went to Barnes and Noble and probably spent an ungodly amount of money adding to our little library...my little sister Abbie has decided that we are the "Nerd Couple" of our family. All of my big brothers and their wives read just as much as we do...I think we just tend to get into more heated discussions about books more than them. :)

One night while we were down there, we also made our way to Captain George's. All you can eat seafood buffet, and let me tell you, it is so awesome! I'm glad we went! When we started out, I was feeling fine, by the time we got there, my stomach ended up twisted in knots and I was very uncomfortable. It was very sad, I love food, and here I was at this gorgeous restaurant and I couldn't even enjoy it like I would like! We had even decided to be big kids and buy a whole bottle of wine!

Truly it was very nice and if I ever could go back, I would! Even though my man doesn't like seafood as much as I do. That kinda sucks. But they had ribs for him so he was just fine. :)

We spent a whole week just getting to always be near one another. We marveled that at no time did we need to call his parents or my parents, and at night, he never had to take me home. I could finally curl up next to him and fall asleep. There is no sweeter feeling than falling asleep in the crook of his arm.

We finally finished that bottle of wine, and I kept it so that I can make a candle out of it. I've been researching ways to do this, and I have a few ideas. How awesome would it be to have a candle from the bottle of wine from my honeymoon?! :)

Stay tuned for more stuff. It's a beautiful day, so I might have to go play outside with the camera.

The Creative Painting Frenzy

Fun Maddie Fact: did you know that you can tell how life is doing by the amount of painting I'm doing? True story. If there is no painting or ideas for painting, then Maddie is not doing well. If there are four different canvases started, paint on my hands, and fresh paint on the palette (also known as an old Tupperware plate I stole from my Momma) then I'm probably doing pretty well.

There was a time in my life when I wasn't painting at all. When all that creative spark in me just dwindled away, it was pretty gosh darned sad. I'll never forget a good friend of mine telling a certain stupid boy (NOT the one I'm married to, by the way) that I knew "She's not even painting." I distinctly remember hearing him say "But..that's...that's not Maddie. She's really not ok is she?" (Side note: that boy was part of the problem, and once I got him out of the picture, life started getting A WHOLE bunch better/I met my now husband.)

The point is, when the joy and spark has gone out of someone, people tend to notice. And when it comes back, I think not only do other people notice, but the people themselves notice. For example, I realized tonight that all I want to do is work on paintings. I'm in a greative painting frenzy! I have four going right now. FOUR. Two are for a certain brother and his wife (ones that live South of me...hint, these TWO do NOT live in Tennessee), one is for my Boss, and one is just something I'm working on for me.

I want to work on them, and I love working on them. I've started to loose time when I'm working on them. Little bits of them are coming together each day and I love love love this. I guess tonight I just realized how much joy and life and light were missing from my life, and now, I can feel that it's back deep in my bones. Shoot! I'm covered with paint and it's the best feeling EVER. I can't wait to show you all what I've been working on! It will have to be after I send some to some people, but after that I can show you. And I'll be honest, I'm not the best. I hate drawing/painting realistically, and I might never be considered "great" but who cares? I think the greatest painters are the one that didn't expect to be the greatest, they just did it out of Love.

So here are some sneak peaks. None of these are finished yet, so it doesn't matter if anyone DOES see them. :)

I love my paintbrushes. 

Ps, while I was painting, this was what my Beloved was doing (mainly because I can't even bare to be in another room than him, and I always like posting pictures of him too!)

We're Big Kids Now

Well then, the past three days have been...interesting. :)

Truly it is amazing the things that can happen in just three days. In marriage, three days can mean many things. This time, three days meant, "Oh hey, something is happening with your house." And what might be happening, it just might be put up for sale. And for might, I mean, it is. It's reality, it's a fact. I cried about it, yeah, but in the end I went into Go Mode, ok, so, what do we do now?

This house was nice to rent, and we put a lot of effort into making it our home. But it's just a house, and home is when I'm with Blair. So, today, we went to look for apartments. Because this, friends, is the best choice for us.

Here is a list of all the reasons finding a small apartment is the right choice for us:

• We have a lot of room. Maybe too much room, there is a whole room and basement that we don't use. Seriously! We thought it was great at first, but dude, seriously...even as I write this my husband in DOWN THE HALL...that's way far away from me. And we like each other. We like being super close all the time. (That's not a problem, right?!)
• What we pay for rent AND utilities would add up to what we pay for rent in an apartment anyways. 
• We would never have to take the trash to the dump. We'd only have to take down to the dumpster, and that would be great, not gonna lie. 
• We'd be in town. I had panic attacks because we were up on a mountain in two feet of snow. At least in town I wouldn't freak out quite so much. (Side note, I'm still not going anywhere else in the snow...I still won't like it...it's dumb.)

But in the end, God is God, and he has a plan. And his plan is better than this house and better than what we could even hope for. We are, however, REFUSING to live with EITHER of our parents, mainly because having my own kitchen makes me happy. And going back to live with either of them (though we LOVE them) would just...just...no. 

So we are apartment hunting and my husband is still job hunting  (that man applied to four jobs yesterday..FOUR, how IMPRESSED are you....I mean, shoot, I was) and God is still God. Home is where he is and where we are safe with one another. I don't care where I live, so long as I'm with this man I love so much.

And don't worry friends and family, all three of you who might read this, we learned a lesson. That seems to be all that we are doing lately, learning lessons. Because, well, we'e naive, and we love the world to much, and we think to highly of people, and we just have to learn to be more cautious. It still won't stop us from loving people with all our hearts, it will just assure us that we are big kids who have to make big kid choices. 

We spent the afternoon picking up prescriptions, looking into apartments, taking care of our lovely one car, and eating some Chinese food, because sometimes, you just need some chinese food and books. 

It's not often we get Chinese. :)

Even when we do,
we read. :)

On our way home. 

Someone was tired and little goofy...

Brownies, Psalm 121, and Learning

My husband has taken off to go to school and I am hanging out here at our little house in the hills. I'm making brownies, because well, I'm a girl (no honeymoon baby here folks! contrary to popular opinion!) and they smell amazing. Not to mention that there is some very yummy Oreo Ice Cream up in my freezer (that tub of ice cream and I have a date...:).

I wanted the next I wrote to be about my honeymoon, because I have so many stories and so many things that I want to write and share (not TOO much mind you!) but as usual, there might be something more on my heart. And writing from the heart is way better, right?

My first two weeks of marriage were...an adventure. So many things happened that I didn't want to happen, and things that I was not expecting at all, a few surprises and a few hurts. If it can get worse than THIS then man, we are set for the future, because we have faced almost everything these last two weeks. Basically, it all started when we BOTH got sick on our honeymoon. I sure felt sexy running to the bath room every five seconds! My husband is patient and kind, and puts me above himself, so it really didn't bother him. Spending time on the pull out couch watching TV worked just fine for both us. Being together was enough, truly.

My bedside! 

This is where we really slept!

Coming home was the real challenge, and not because we didn't want to. Actually, we left early, and it was because my poor husband got sick and just wanted to be in his own home (I can't blame him, who wants to be sick at a hotel?!). The challenge was that I had to drive most of the way home, in the dark. It's a drive I've done half a dozen times, but the those big highways and freeways still make me panic a small bit. By 11:30 we were home, and that in and of itself was a hard thing for me.

My husband and I made the choice to live separately until we were married, this also means, that no, we did not have sex until we were married. I have no shame in saying that. And you know, it was worth of every second of waiting. This means however, that I have never spent a full night in the bed that is now ours, and I will admit that that first night at my new home with my new husband was hard. I cried. I kept feeling like I needed to go home to tell my parents where I was, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was still in a hotel. In fact, in the middle of the night after so much tossing and turning, I told my Beloved this. His response? He held me. Stroked my hair, told me that it was going to be ok. That it would take time. (He promptly fell back asleep though, I can't blame him, the poor man was so sick). I never thought I would need so much patience from one human, and I tell ya, he's got that patience thing down. And I am so grateful. 

We decided on our honeymoon to read the book of John together, and that was a super awesome best idea we've ever had. Have you ever woken up in the morning knowing that person next to you loves God as much as you do? It's a glorious feeling. It's been hard now that we are in the "real" world to keep that up, but we will, I know we will. If something is important to you, you make time for it. 

I am learning how to lean on my Beloved. I am learning that when I am hurt, he is hurt, that when I can't sleep, he can't sleep, that when he can't sleep, I don't sleep well. I am learning that I have to ignore the world for him, that texts from friends are not as important as time with my Beloved. I am learning that I will get mad for stupid stupid stupid things, and that the best thing to do, is bite my tongue. Or say "This happened in my head and I'm mad but it's not for a good reason..." that one happens a lot. Or to wake him up in the middle of the night when I'm having a panic attack because of snow and can't breath. 

Our House in two feet of snow!

I am learning how to get all that encouragement that I need from him. To draw on his strength and to believe that he loves me and works for me and needs and wants to hear all about the stupid things that happened during the day. 

We have the joy and privilege of only having one car right now. Yes, I did say privilege. We go to work together and we come home together. My day just feels so much better when I start it with the word of God and the man I love so very much. For now, it's not so bad only having one car, not to mention the money we save on gas! I know that one day I will need a car, and when I do, in God's Perfect Timing, I will have one. And oh what a glorious day that will be to see the way He provides. And don't worry, we are actively working on this one. 

I have Psalm 121 stuck in my head and heart lately. 

"I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth!"

I have found myself to be very discouraged in the past week. Not when it comes to my marriage of course, but for the rest of my life...I'll admit, I've felt a bit abandoned in some things. I kept pouring my heart out to the Lord, asking Him for help, asking Him who I should be better friends with, asking Him about everything, and this verse just keeps coming back to me.

This week at Church, we sang a song that we sang one summer as a Staff Song at the camp I worked at.

"He is jealous for me, Love's like a Hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and Mercy.

And Oh, how He Loves us So,
Oh, How He Us,
How He loves us So."

I may or may not have broken down into tears right there in the pew. I couldn't sing the song. I couldn't. All I could think about what the community at camp and the amazing Love that I felt there. So much accountability and encouragement. I miss that. I miss that a lot. And the Lord brought Psalm 121 to my attention again, and He says "If you can't find it in others, find it in Me. I'm here, I'm right here. I can encourage you!"

So I'm drawing all my strength from the Lord Almighty and my Beloved. Because right now, that's what I've got to do. :)

I'm gonna go watch Little Women and eat my brownies and ice cream. Y'all have a blessed night, I know I will. 

My First Married Post

Well, I am officially a married woman.

There are so many things to write about, once again, that I can't even pin point what I want to write about! Story of my life!

Let's back up and start at the day BEFORE my wedding. Normally this is when you get stressed out, and I have to admit, I did. I waited a long time before it happened though! So that's good right!? See, the rehearsal and the dinner and all of that was just fine. In fact, it was amazing. I had help from family, who I happen to love very much, and friends from my camp. Andy, Kevin, and Marissa, you're help last weekend was astounding. I can't even being to tell you how much you being here and helping me as much as you did means to me. It just proves that Family is more than flesh and blood. My camp friends will always carry a special place in my heart. However, after all that was done, we had to go decorate for the reception. Enter my Stress Monster. I had to pack for my Honeymoon, I had to make sure that I had everything I needed, I needed to make sure that people knew where they needed to be...I felt like the list keep getting longer and longer. So we're at the reception hall, and I'm downstairs fighting tears and hiding while my family and friends are upstairs putting chairs and tables up and running around like mad men. My loving husband came down stairs and just held me and let me run around and hide. He knows that I will calm down, his quietness works well for my high strung heart. In the end, everything was fine. I can't...so many blessings. And so many people who love me. I can't even...I'll cry if I think about it to much, so just know that I know I am loved, and people mean so much to me.

My wedding day was a blur. I think my favorite moment was sitting in all my fancy underwear while my little sister curls my hair and I have a black shawl around me and I'm brushing my teeth. That's right, of all things, I forgot to brush my teeth that day. We ran late in some things, but I'm told that happens. I still got my alone time with Blair though, and it was everything that I wanted. I danced with my Father, and cried, I looked at my little brother during my ceremony and cried, and you know, the make up that my mother did still held up. I danced like crazy, and had to have my brides maid help me pee. I sweated, and looked a hot mess, and I love every single moment of it. My little flower girls were adorable, Beanie tried to comfort Ada during pictures because she was sad. I felt for the poor child...she was just so done. I don't blame her, I was getting there too. Later at my reception, I got to hold her and she gave me kisses. I couldn't ask for a better memory with people who I love so much. I danced with my new little sisters, and was so proud of my new little brother for giving a speech. We were blessed with so much more than we thought we would have.

I will never get over this, that my wedding day, was absolutely everything I ever wanted.

I have my mother and father to thank for that. My Daddy for providing the funds and keeping me on track, my Mommy for forcing me to think about every small detail. I know that other people's parents love them, but not the way that my parents love me. If I and my husband are half the parents they are I will be content. :)

There is so much more to come. I haven't even started on my Honeymoon! I can't wait to share pictures and some of the fun things that I got to do with my Husband. For now, rest in the knowledge that God is good, and that He is good to me. If you can't see that for you, know that He is working in my life, and that He will start to work in yours. I pray that everyone will know a fierce love like the one that my Beloved and I share. I pray that you are all well, and that you enjoy these ramblings.

Also, est memory of my wedding day? All the bathrooms in my house were taken, and I had to...ahem...GO...so I had to take care of business while in the bathroom with my mother. That's real life bonding if you ask me!