Post From A Tiny Apartment

We are set up in the new apartment! I had this idea in my head that I was going to post all these cute pictures with the post about the new apartment, but...I'm too tired to care. My camera with said cute pictures is in my car, and the thought of walking towards that car, outside none the less, makes me want to just kinda...get into the fetal position and stay there. :)

It's been a crazy few weeks. We've done a lot and had a lot of help...here! A list! Those always help me!

• I am blessed with not ONE but TWO momma's that were Military wives. Know what that means? Moving, is no big deal to them. They just know what they are doing. I have never seen a house moved so quickly. It was intense. It was awesome. 
• I am also blessed with a Daddy who has a very big truck. (That said truck was bought before a shower in the basement where I used to live doesn't bother me at all...really...there was a lot of sarcasm there...) (In the end though...) I'm glad he has that truck, because we moved all of our junk in pretty much two days. Don't tell me that's not amazing. Because it is. 
• Our apartment is tiny, and we have kids above us, and a construction site right next to our bedroom, and death toilets that flush so loudly I sweat I'm making EVERY one wake up to hear...BUT we love it. We love it so much. And you know, I can see us being here for a while, it's cozy, and we like cozy. 
• Moving makes me crazy. Not sleeping well makes me crazy. God bless my amazing Husband who lets me be crazy. Seriously though, in the past two months, we've gone through some things that have really tested and strengthened our relationship. 
• I have neighbors! People that I like! Twice now I've walked to a friend from my churches house, not to mention she is the mother of my God son, not to mention she has a sweet washer and dryer and I never have to use my buildings laundromat to do my laundry! God has blessed me indeed, and I've gotten to spend so much time with my Rayden. When I clap my hands and say "Yay" he claps his hands and smiles. He knows me. :)))
  
• On a more serious note, Rayden's Grandmother, my boss/mentor/person I look up to, has been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. That's been a little intense. I won't say to much, because it's a close family thing, but hey, they keep telling me I'm family, and let me tell you, this woman...is amazing. I have this bad awesome habit of loving people, FIERCELY and when they hurt, I hurt. I come home super tired at the end of the day, because I wish, with everything in me, that I could take this hurt for her. As it is, I can only lift her up to the Lord and Healer, and ask others to do the same. So if you read this, say a prayer, she needs all the prayers she can get (as do most of us!). 

I wish I was being more diligent about posting photos, because I've done a couple shoots here recently (one of some siblings, it was awesome!) and I would love to share and write! It's taken us a while to get our internets hooked up, but now that we do, hopefully I'll be back to writing and sharing and posting. Who knows what will happen?! Only the Lord, and you know what, I'm happy about that. :)

Life In Bullet Points

Here is what I have learned in the past twenty fourish hours:

• I am way to sassy to be an adult. Seriously, I can't stand it. I can't stand the fact that other people get to act like five year olds and I have to be 30 instead of 22. It angers and frustrates me. I don't like it. 
• Listening to those who are older and wiser does not make you stupid, it makes you smart. Really really smart. Sometimes, older people, they just know way more than you do, and you should accept it. 
• Asking for help is a beautiful thing. I'm finding more and more people are willing to step in and help in ways that I never imagined. I am overwhelmed. 
• People believe me. People know me and call me and ask me things and they want to talk. I thought...I thought I had a burden to big to bare...I thought that no one would believe me, I didn't think I wouldn't be able to talk to people about something very near and dear to my heart. Which was hard for me. Because I like to talk and I need to talk about things, so not talking was a huge problem for me, I didn't like it. 
• I have learned that help also comes in packages that you didn't expect. Like hugeish teenage boys who come to your house spackle walls, pack things up, and eat the four pizzas that you make in three point five seconds. 

I am tired now. Life is slowly getting better. And we're moving soon. When there is more to tell, I'll tell you more. :)

Struggle Bus

It's been a while, it feels like it's been a while. To say that there has been a lot going on, is an understatement, and to be honest, I don't feel like writing. I want to crawl into my bed and stay there for week, but oh wait, I'm hopefully moving in like, two weeks, hopefully, so that's out...more on that later.

I'm hoping that in writing tonight, I can stop feeling so glum and gloomy and snuggle my husband and drift off to sleep. My mind is running about a million miles an hour and it won't stop. Some things happened to me, things I was not expecting, and to be honest, for once, I'm not up for sharing. If you know me, you know that normally I get over things and am able to share, this...this I am not. Just know that something very close to me was lost, and I'm still reeling and trying to understand it. I haven't even talked to my mom about it yet...I'm working up to that one.

The husband and I are fine, so there are no worries there. We are, in fact, preparing to move. We found this tiny little two bedroom apartment like twenty minutes away, and I gotta tell ya, we love it. Absolutely love it. I love how close it is, how quaint and cute and darling it is. I love the walk through closet and tiny kitchen. I look forward to making messes there.

However, it sucks having to take down all my pictures and paintings and see bare walls again. I was looking forward to settling in here for a while.

Usually I would take a moment to say "But God has other plans..." but, to be honest, right now, in this moment, I don't like His plan. I don't like His plan for a lot of things. And I'm honestly having a hard time loving a certain set of people right now. I feel like one big ball of struggle. Struggle against my own human nature, struggle against other people and their attitudes, struggle against biology, struggle against fluctuating hormones and feeling like I can't control my own feelings, struggle against the very God I love. I don't want to do anything. Except maybe watch every season of Lost, stay in pj's, grow fuzzy legs, and never leave my bed.

However, this is not possible. I'll settle for crying a whole bunch and trying not to look like someone peed in my wheatie's. I can be pretty good at pretending like everything is all hunky dory, and I'm trying not to do that, while at the same time I'm trying not to deny my feelings. I just think there is a time and place to break down, and for me, that place is no where.

So dear friends, right now, I'm on the Struggle Bus. If you don't know what that is, don't ask, you probably don't want to know.

And I promise you that when I get off, I'll write a new post, hopefully the next one won't sound so pitiful and stupid.

Shmer.

Drink Deeply

I had a bit of a moment today. It's been happening more and more lately, and all day, I've been trying to put into words the way I felt today. Happy, proud, annoyed, done, frustrated, over it, content, discontent, worried, not worried, joyful, sad...those are some of the emotions I ran through this fine Monday.

I could go through a list of things that are "wrong" right now. I could tell you how worried I get and how frustrated I get at other people who have "better" things than me, or do "whatever" they want. I could be honest and tell you I get jealous and covet and I realize how important that commandment is, that we don't covet what others have.

I was simultaneously content and discontent today. It was strange. I thought about last night and curling up next to my husband and falling asleep right there in his arms. I thought about waking up that morning and how he made me breakfast and we got to work and at one point I just looked at him and thought, if we had more than one car, I would miss these little morning drives that I get to have with him.

As the day wore on, I got less and less cheerful. I'm not sure there's an exact reason, but I did. I lost sight, for however brief of a moment, of that contented joy I had felt that morning. I do not say this with pride. All day, my head has been going over the things that I know for sure, and my heart has been trying to tell me all the things I should be feeling: fear, worry, doubt.

I heard this song on the radio, a Christian station that my Beloved usually always has playing. It's from a band I don't normally like, but you should listen to it. Go ahead, just listen for a second.

At first I got mad, because as a Navy Daughter, I have the utmost respect for the military and for this Country that, though it has many flaws, allows me to worship my Lord. But as I listened more I was struck by the words.

It made me think of the American Dream, to own a house, and have two point five kids, and two cars, and fancy things. Is this what I've been wanting so much lately? I stopped, and counted my blessings.

The fact that my husband and I have no debt, the fact that every Sunday we go to Church and see BOTH our families, the fact that we always have enough to cover our bills, the fact that we have some saved up, the fact that my Beloved Loves the Lord. These are the things that seemed to slip my mind in thinking that I needed this American Dream. But the truth is, I have everything I already need. Another car? A bonus. A house of our own? A bonus. A new job? A bonus.

Let me make this clear, everything that I have, is from the Lord, and believe me, I know it, and He reminds me.

My other favorite part of this song is when he sings,

"Drink deep in the morning, see what the day will bring."

Drink deeply of the love that surrounds you, drink deeply of the Fathers life and freedom and grace, and don't just wake up, but greet the day. Welcome it in, because Life can be so beautifully lived. It's hard to think that at three thirty when you're driving alone to pick up one more application for an apartment, but it's the truth. 

Drink Deeply friends of this life that the Lord has given you. 

I would say I am, but I think it's better to say, I'm trying to. 

Serve and Obey

You know, yesterday I was cleaning up my house, and it was pretty intense. When I got married, I went from my little one bedroom in my parents basement to a house. A whole HOUSE. If you don't think this is a big deal, you're silly. Because in a house, there are three rooms and hugeish kitchen and I am the woman, and I take pride in keeping this house clean. However, it's a lot of work.

Don't get me wrong, this blog post is not about me complaining, but about a realization I had yesterday while I was bouncing around the house sweeping, picking up, and mopping. I guess I should start with the fact that for four summers of my life I worked at a summer camp. And because I'm a die hard loyal fan of that camp, which you should all go check out (if you aren't a camp friend who already reads this blog) I have to tell you that pretty much every day of my life there, I cleaned.

We all did. It was part of the job. We scrubbed toilets, plunged them, swept floors, mopped, inhaled Tub and Tile like it was the only cleaning supply that ever existed, and we did it all with a willing heart. Because no matter who you are, when you work at a summer camp like that, you realize that you are a servant of Christ. That who are you, for a brief moment, doesn't matter, so long as you are doing what you need to be doing, you are serving.

It's easy to think that way while you're out there in the summer serving. It's harder to think that way when you've worked all week, you're tired, and Netflix is right there and you could be watching Lost chilling in your ugly clothes eating some leftover Stroganoff. (Can you tell what I would have rather been doing yesterday morning?) As I took out my Lysol wipes, I had a sudden realization about cleaning my own house...

I was still serving. I am still serving, right here, in my own way, in my own home. As I swept my floors and sang loudly to some NeedtoBreath, all I could think about was those happy times at camp where I scrubbed toilets and had a big huge smile on my face while I was doing it. It made me realize that even in my own home, I'm still a servant.

I wish I had remembered this while I was growing up. It would have saved me from a lot of fights and tears and anger with my mom. It would have saved me from having the door knob taken from my door, and from lots of fights with my poor little sister Evie.

As I moved the rest of the chairs back into my kitchen, I had a big smile. See God has been speaking to me a lot about obedience and listening and following what He asks me to do. I had a crazy experience earlier this week, where God literally spoke in that still small voice and asked me to take care of one of His "least of these". It ended with me spending $50 that was not part of our "budget", you can imagine how well that went over with my Beloved. That night we realized we hadn't gone out this month. At least once a month we try to go on a  big fancy date, and I had just spent our big fancy date money. Were we upset? No and I'll tell you why...

About a month and a half ago my Beloved asked me if he could spend some money to buy a steak dinner to support our local 4H center. I told him yes. We've had steak dinner tickets pinned to our board for all that time. Did you catch that? We did not need that $50, but those people I gave them to did, and my Lord, already knew that. 

It will never cease to amaze me the things that the Lord does and shows me. I hope that He always teaches me things. That He always shows me things, because I still need Him too. I still needed to be reminded that I am to be in service to him and to others. I still need to be reminded to listen and to obey what the Lord is calling and telling me to do. Serve and Obey. Those are very simple things, and yet we all struggle so much with them. I still struggle with them.

It's good to be reminded though. It's good to allow God to work in your life. I know I appreciate it. :)

J&J Wedding: Part Two

Get ready kids this might be a long post, and there might be millions of pictures. But not before I tell you how amazing the ceremony at the wedding I was at was.

I've been to a lot of weddings and most of the time, I end up crying. I get really happy for people. It's no joke, taking that step towards committing to some one in such a way. Some how, I didn't cry at this wedding, I just smiled a lot. A lot a lot.

First of all, instead of bridesmaids carrying flowers, they carried their bibles, because after a brief sermon by the GROOM, that's right, the GROOM, they each read a verse.

The warmth and love that surrounded this couple and their wedding astounded me. The bride and groom tried so hard to point their wedding towards the Lord, and in my opinion they accomplished this. Not only did the Groom talk about the Jewish wedding customs, they worshiped with their wedding guests and offered communion to them as well.

How often do you see a couple stop their wedding ceremony to worship the Lord? My heart was so full of joy at this moment that I could hardly stand it.

After they worshiped together, and after the groom spoke, they offered to their guests Communion in a simple beautiful way.

So often you meet couples and brides that are very "this is all about me", I'll confess to being one of them, but this simple reminder that marriage is sanctioned by God went straight into my very heart.

So say that it was an honor to take pictures for this couple is silly, and not enough. It blessed me. Not just because I got the chance to be doing something I love to be doing, but because it convicted me to make sure that in all things, I am honoring the Lord.

And for the record, this is only the Part Two, there is still more to come, because the Bride, Mrs.Erwin, is a DANCER. So their reception was like a scene from a choreographed movie! I can't wait to show y'all more pictures!

Also check out my NEW WEBSITE! No joke, real life, it's there. :) mjaquesphotos.webs.com, it's still a work in progress and there's lots more to be done, but it's real. So now if you know anyone who needs to get some pictures done, tell them to go take a look, I'd love to start booking more sessions!

J&J Wedding: Part One

I'm not sure how many parts these blogs might be, or how long it will take me to get to them, but I'm pretty excited about sharing some of the pictures that I got to take this week. It was INTENSE.

I love weddings, and so far this year, this the third wedding, including my own, that I've been too. They are hard work, but so worth doing to celebrate with family and friends.

The wedding I yesterday, was or a good friend of my Jocelyn ERWIN, formally known as Jocelyn Ray. I've known her since way back in the high school days when we worked together, she taught dance, I taught art, we were friends. We became even better friends when we found out we have a mutual faith in the Lord. It's always good to meet people who believe in the ONE True God.

Jocelyn is not your typical bride. She was hysterical and sassy and I had a good time taking her pictures. Today I just wanted to share a few of the funnier ones that I caught.

The bride and groom decided to do all their portraits and pictures before hand, which I gotta admit, was a GENIUS idea. I grabbed the bride and groom and headed to take some pictures in the park. And there we had our first testament of real love, "Babe, you got something in your teeth." And no hesitation to help her out! I thought it was pretty funny. And then Mrs.Erwin decided to Limbo her way under the fence instead of walking around through the opening. Are you starting to see how much fun I had out there with those two? Her are some more funny shots that I wanted to share.

See how cute and fun she is!? I took about a million and half pictures of these two lovely folks, I just couldn't help myself.

I even broke out the new fish eye to play with!

Unlike most brides, she was not afraid to get her dress dirty, and before I knew she had plopped herself down in the ground and was staying put! I don't blame her, I carried her dress, that thing was gorgeous, but oh man was it heavy!

She also decided to photo bomb her bridal party. Here I am setting them up, trying to get people to smile, and the next thing I know the bride is in the picture! There was a lot of laughing after that, and who can blame them. :)

There are still A LOT more pictures I want to share, and I'm still editing a LOT of them. I'm doing better than I normally do though, so look for the next post, where I get a little more serious and talk about the AMAZING ceremony that these two had and how incredibly centered around the Lord it was. :)