I have no pictures for you tonight, only a semi heavy heart and willingness to share. I've been thinking a lot, and much has happened in the past week, but then again, something is always happening, right? Life doesn't stop, ever. It rolls and moves and undulates, like an ocean. At times, it is glassy, smooth, and reflects the light above it (like our lives), and at times, it is dark, and choppy, moving and changing direction and devoid of the light that lives above it (like our lives). What I've been thinking is not necessarily bad, but it's something that I've noticed in myself, that is not of Christ, and needs to be addressed.
When Christ was dying in the cross, in some of his last breaths, he tells a thief that his sins are forgiven, and that he'll be with him in paradise soon (Luke 23:42&43) In the midst of pain and suffering Jesus sees the needs of others again, and reaches out to that person.
I ask myself, what would I have done...and I don't like the answer.
See, some people have told me I'm to hard on myself, that there are things that it's ok to be working on and reaching for, and I shouldn't be so hard on myself. But why not? Shouldn't be want to be better people, better friends, better daughters, better wives, better Christians? Shouldn't you want God to point out anything and everything to you that makes you not quite like Him?
If I call myself a Christian, I should always want to be better, should always seek to be more like Jesus.
I am selfish. And selfishness has nothing to do with who Christ was. I get selfish about my car that doesn't always work (even though I have enough people who are willing to make sure I get to work), I get selfish when my Beloved goes anywhere with out me (knowing he'll be back in how ever many hours), I get selfish when other people have nicer things than me (petty, but true), and I get selfish with my time. I would rather be doing something with Blair than helping someone else. I would rather be reading my own book than reading my Bible.
Maybe these things seem small to you, but they are everything to me, and I constantly shaping myself and allowing God to shape me into what he wants to be. So that is someone else is suffering the same as me, maybe more, I put aside everything I was feeling, and comfort and minister to them. I've fallen short on this many times, have hurt so many people who needed me. And while I don't believe that I can do everything or save any one (that is something that Christ alone must do), I just think that I could have been a little less selfish.
So I'm working on it.
And I felt led to share, because, well...we all have things. We are all trying to become what God wants of us, and if you aren't, then I pray that God is working in your life to pull you to him. I don't try to hide the fact that I'm bad at being a Christian, I am, we all are, we kinda suck at this, and you know...that's ok. Because Christ is constantly forgiving me and loving and pulling me closer and closer to him.
I find that the more that I serve him, and love him, and become less focused on myself...the more I fall in love with him, the more I see his character revealed.
What more could one ask of a King?
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