Chapter Sixteen: "Be Like your Daddy, Son"

Sometimes I imagine Dean reading these one day. I think, what would I want him to see? What would I want him to know? 

This week, I just wanted to tell him, "Be like your Daddy, son."

Be strong. Carry burdens for others, the way your Daddy is carrying this burden with me right now. The way he holds me at night, in my worst moments, when I am scared that I am going to lose you. 

Be compassionate. The way he holds your sister, plays with her and loves her. The way he snuggles her close in the mornings when she's here in DC with us, even when he wants to crawl back into bed. 

Be observant. Know the people around you, what would make their hearts happy, what would touch them. Know how to help others through the days that are hard and know when you need to let them cry or distract them. Your Daddy is so good at this. 

Be like him, Dean, and watch what he does. He might not realize this, but he is an amazing example of what Christ is like son. See Christ gave up everything for us. Even his life. Your Daddy has done much of the same. 

While I'm at the hospital with you, watching, waiting, praying, your Daddy is working. And he is working hard. He making it so that the three of us, you, me and sister can all have a home together when you are healthy enough to be home with us. While I wait, he works. 

Oh son...these days are long. And they hurt us, especially your Daddy. He is afraid of not being here when he needs to be, not knowing he is exactly where God has called him to be. He is afraid that I will need him and he will be at work. To be honest, some days, I'm afraid of the same thing. And there have been days. Days that don't go so well where I am alone, waiting. Wishing that I had his calm presence there with me. 

People say that your daddy is a small guy, but to me, he is the biggest, the best. His shoulders are big enough to carry you, me, and your sister. His arms are strong enough to hold me up when I can't stand and gentle enough to hold you and your sister when you are small and fragile. 

Be like your Daddy, Son. He is showing, right now, how to be a Man. Teaching you how to take care of your family that Lord Willing you will have one day. He is teaching you to give yourself up for others, the way Christ gave himself up. And the best part, my beautiful boy, is most days he doesn't even know it. 

Your Daddy is learning to be like His Daddy, your Grandfather. The older he gets, the more we grow as a family, the more your Daddy says "Oh, I understand my father more." And the more that your Daddy understands his Dad here on Earth, the more they come to understand our Heavenly Father. 

Son...we love you. So very much. Everyday that I spend away from you hurts. Every night that you are not in my arms hurts. Every moment of everyday I am aware that you are still in danger of not leaving that hospital. I cling to hope like a woman drowning in the ocean, unsure of what is before me and beneath me, but knowing that there is life so long as I hold on. 

This is what we are doing, Daddy and I. We are clinging to a lifeline, a hope, a promise in Jesus that there is Victory over death and the grave. No matter how many days or weeks we have you here, we know that Eternity is so. Much. More. THAT is where our hope is. THAT is the piece of wood we cling to in this ocean. 

Be like your Daddy Son. 

Be strong and get better and come home.