A Christmas Time Thought

Every now and again I have this thought, "Lord, why my son? Why my family? Why us? Why me?"

I can't help it, it's in my nature (the human part of it anyways). I've been working on taking my thoughts captive (shout out to Katharine for holding me accountable for real and entering into an awesome discipleship relationship with me) and the last time I had this thought, we were in church.

It popped in there while we were singing Christmas songs. It's a normal happening in December. You hear them all over. When did I stop listening to them though?

We sing about a King come down from His throne, about a Father letting go of His son, of angels, and Emmanuel. On the radio we question, Mary, did you know?

Did she?

I think about Mary a lot right now. Especially after having Ellie, even after we were pregnant with our first baby. I think about the way the Nativity is portrayed and how it all always seems too perfect to me.

Labor was awesome, but it was hard. I looked a hot mess afterwards. Most woman do. I believe Mary did. When they laid Ellie on my chest in all her grossness and glory, it was awesome. I wonder if that's how it looked for Mary.

I wonder if she had problems getting Jesus to latch on and nurse. I wonder if Joseph knew what to do to help her while in labor, like Blair knew how to help me. I wonder if a Midwife was found to attend Mary or if she went for it like some of my friends have. I wonder when she started crying, because Lord knows, at some point she probably did.

I wonder if she thought about these things while Jesus was on the cross. I wonder if it ever entered her mind "Why my son?"

How could she know while she was in the throes of laboring to bring Him to this world that He would save it? How could she know that while she nursed Him as an infant, I would pray to Him for strength when my son was diagnosed with something that, though can be helped with surgeries, would affect him for the rest of his life? I don't think she had any idea. I don't think she could have carried that...

I think Mary was like me. I think she had her moments. I think she had good days and bad days and watching her son die on a cross for loads of people who she didn't even know might not have been a good day for her. I hope she took her thoughts captive though. I hope she caught that one and changed it like I did.

Why my son?

Why NOT my son? Why CAN'T God use this for His glory? Why WOULDN'T He chose my little family to point to Him during this crazy ride?

Believe me, I have my days and moments. I talk about this a lot right now. I'm researching Congenital Heart Defects and Hydro-plastic Left Heart Syndrome and finding out that it's really not that common. I'm finding out that yes, there are surgeries to help our son, but that he might always have issues.

I am going to fight though, to keep in mind that God does what He wants. And my response is to bring Glory to Him. No matter the circumstances.

Or maybe today was just a good day.
Maybe tomorrow won't be.

Maybe the day Jesus was crucified was a bad day for Mary.
But Oh Man...Oh Man, she was around the day He came back. 

And that, my friends, was a good day indeed.