The Cost

Blair and I were reading not long ago that when you blog you should do so with some sort of purpose. I'll be honest, I'm not sure what my purpose is for writing except that I like to and it helps me organize my thoughts. I also live under the impression that if you can help someone else in ANY way, well, you should. Especially when you're a Christ Follower. When did we become so tight lipped? Why is it so hard to want to share our lives to help one another?

Granted, at the moment, I'm all about Baby Girl. I'll be honest, it's been a journey, and I like to chronicle it here for you people/maybe a little for myself. We as a couple and individually have learned a lot. It's important for me to share, because for once, I didn't let the bad outweigh the fact that God is still working in my life. I'm learning things about the character of God that I'm not sure I understood before.

This weeks post centers around one song, ONE. We went to visit the Fairy Godmother this weekend, because I have been feeling AWESOME and wanted to see her. She got to feel her Lennie (NO ONE ELSE IS ALLOWED TO CALL HER THAT, HER NAME IS ELLIE OR ELEANOR)(for the record) kick, made us dinner, we watched stupid movies, and she had no idea that we were coming. We also got to see the Fairy Godfather. The whole hour long drive there, we just got to be together. Just got to live. Just got to chill out man. There was much talking and much singing. This song has been in my head all week.

"Real Love is not afraid to bleed."

Soak that line in for a second. It stuck with me and I started to think allllll sorts of thunks. 

See, I love God, I do. I love Jesus, I love the Bible, I mean, if you can't tell that by now, then you might have missed something. I am learning how to live in my life in a quietly bold way. One where I am able to say my opinions without being a jerk. Christians, we can have our beliefs, it does NOT mean we have to be rude or mean about it. I believe that Jesus, being God, took the form of man, came down, died for me. 

Died for me. Bled for me. Think about this. The cost for Jesus to LOVE me the way He wanted to, was to bleed for me. This song says "I've counted up the cost, and you are worth it." What is the cost?  Me. The cost of following Jesus is that I pursue Him, love Him, seek Him, get to know Him. I'm not selfish enough to think that this world is all about me. I forget it sometimes, but in reality, I know that in the end I want people to know WHO I loved, instead of just that I did. 

As my belly grows bigger and bigger, I think about what this baby costs us. Not money wise, but time wise, and life wise, and physically. In just a few short months I will prepare to work in such a way that I have never worked before. I will get tired, I will want to quit, I will want to stop, it will hurt, it will take all the strength I have, but in reality? It's not about me. 

What you might say? You being in labor is not about you? Are you crazy?

No. Labor is about bringing new life into this world. Therefore labor is about my child, not about me. I hope that what I'm saying makes sense. Because all the sudden, I understand Jesus just a little more. He knew the pain that awaited him, I know the pain that comes from childbirth. He knew that he would bleed, there is a fair amount of what people call "birth grossness" when it comes to labor. He knew that the cost of what He was doing was worth it. I know that the cost of having my daughter with us is all this HARD work that I will have to do. 

But I've counted up the cost, Eleanor Amanda Ray is worth it. And it must be real love that I feel for her, because I'm not afraid to bleed, I'm not afraid to spend hours waiting and working for her, I'm not afraid of whatever pain might come, because at the end, I get her. 

As I thought about this, I thought about my Jesus in those hours before the cross. You know, Easter is coming, and while we celebrate the fact that um, you know, He ain't dead, let's go back and read what He did. Read those chapters in John. Out loud. Let yourself cry because of the pain and blood loss. Remember that He did it for you, just because it's real love, just because He loves you. Remember that all He wants is a better life for you, all He wants is your Heart, and man, once you've tasted that Love, it's hard to want anything more. 

Then call your Momma, if you can. Say thanks for bleeding for you, working for you, for bringing you here. Tell her thanks for thinking you were worth it. And if you can't thank her, or you don't speak to her, thank God. The fact that you are alive means that someone really truly loved you. No matter where you are now.  

Blessed Is a Weak Word

This is just a reminder to myself to blog about the Wedding Shower I got on Sunday! It was amazing, and even more amazing that two of my three older sisters were able to drive up for it! I got to see my nieces and nephews, I got blessed with some amazing things for my house, and I had a blast!

I have decided that integrating myself with my Beloveds family might not be as easy as I want it to be. Some times you just meet people you might not like. :) It's a process, and it might take a while for his family to get to truly know me, just as it might take a while for my family to truly know Blair. I'm just waiting for the day they all try to surprise him with something and he completely flips out on them. My Beloved is not the biggest big surprise person. He likes plans. He likes to know things. :)

I would also like to take a second to talk about some of the gifts I received. There were a few good ones that I know I will never forget. A yellow Keaurig that I did NOT think any one would buy for me, I love it! And I am already making good use of it. Those same sisters in law (who are probably the only two that really read what I write) made me a picture for my marital bedroom. Remember that time I went on and on about bible verses in my bed room? They remembered that, and crafted for me a sing that says "I am my Beloved's and his desire is for me." I might have teared up at that. That people read these little words means so much to me. Love in action. :)  My Aunt gave me tiny squirrel salt and pepper shakers, the weight of this goes back to when I was probably 14. I got a cross stitch from the sister of the young man I work with, and their mother was there, even though I knew she was hurting. It is a testament to how much they love me.

You might also recall a post about butterflies. And the song that goes along with those thoughts and feelings. I had a friend give me a photo album with those lyrics written in the front cover (once again proof that someone reads this). I had yet another friend give me a candle holder that says (As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." I'm a sucker for the sentiment. If it makes me cry, I'll never forget it.

A beautiful young woman also gave me pictures. Pictures of me, of my Beloved. We played together on the train tracks, and she caught a couple of amazing photographs of me and my Beloved. I love those pictures. I love her more. She was there, and that was the best thing since sliced bread.

Blessed is not strong enough word to describe how I felt this weekend.It's a weak word. It doesn't even begin to cover it. Even now I want to drop to my knees and thank the Lord that He provides me with such amazing wonderful loving people.

To those of you who came out, thank you, you are treasured, and may God bless you for the influence you were in my life. 

I'm including in this post a song that has been stuck in my head for the past three weeks. It just touches my heart, and makes my heart happy. I hope it does the same for you. :)