It's All Good

Over the course of the past couple of weeks, I've been thinking about a lot of things that I've seen or read in the great wide internets. I've gathered ideas from people, from their blogs, from posts of Facebook, from articles, and from my own writings and ramblings. I had a moment of clarity today in Church where I realized what it all really boils down too.

Are you ready?

Here's what it comes down to: God made all these different people physically, but He also made all these different personalities, and you know what? I like who I am. 

Let's delve deeper into this thought process, hopefully it makes sense. :)

See, I'm an emotional person. When I get worked up about something, I cry or get really loud about it. When I hurt, I don't hide it, and when I think something, most of the time I share it. I wear my heart on my sleeve, people don't have to guess where they stand with me, they normally know. I don't spend a lot of time around people who get under my skin, and I try to share my opinions in a well mannered way (sometimes, this doesn't work, I never said I'm perfect, I'm still letting God work in me). I am very vulnerable, I tend to share things that have happened to me openly and honestly.

I was thinking about a time at camp when I turned 21. That was the Summer of Project Six. My best friend (who was later in my wedding) gave me a box of 21 things, all in increments of six (six ping-pong balls, six coloring pages, six fly swatters, stuff like that...). As I opened that box in front of my fellow staff members, I openly and honestly wept, and then proceeded to bare my heart to them. Told them what "six" meant to me, and how I'd been working on some things that God really needed to address in my life. It was a big deal, and some people don't handle vulnerability so well. I don't mind. In fact, thinking about that time makes me smile, it was beautiful. It was healing for me.

I like to post stupid Facebook statuses. I like to tell stupid stories about things that we, or I, do. I don't mind telling people when a bad day is a bad day. I like to tell them when a good day is a good day. One Mother's Day I sat at a restaurant and cried because I was asking my parents to forgive me for years of acting out and being a poop to them. My Mom said, "Maddie, it's ok, if you're crying, we know it's important to you." I love that she told me that.

I was sitting in Church thinking about these experiences and I just smiled because, you know, God made all these personalities. How much fun does he have doing this?! I read a blog post from another "camp" friend who was talking about her two children, and how different they are and how beautiful it is,and I just thought, she's right. All these people, all these different ways of handling things. Where I am loud and outspoken, my husband is quieter and more analytically, and it's all so beautiful. Two of my best friends have the same mental problems and didn't get along for a long time, and finally a certain little girl brought them together, and it's beautiful. So alike and so different. All these things, all these people!

Why do we act like personalities are diseases? Shouldn't we embrace and rejoice in what God has created? There are people who don't get me, and there are people that I don't get. And that's ok. There are people who think that I should keep my emotions in check and not share so openly about things, and there are people who I wish would share more who don't, and that's all ok. We are different, beautifully and wonderfully different and I hope and pray that my daughter knows this one day.

She's being created, right now, right in my womb, becoming a person with eyes and teeth and hands and organs. And I just thought...she's also becoming her own person. Will she be emotional and explosive like me, her Momma (Oh Lord help us all!) or will she be quiet and analytic like her Daddy? Will she have his focus and mood problems? Will she wear her heart on her sleeve? Can I protect her if she does? See, we don't know. But God does.

God knows. 

It was such a neat thought to know that He knows her personality. That He knows my personality, that He delights in all of our personalities. We are all so fearfully and wonderfully made.

I just decided today that I will never run from this person that I have become. I will never stop telling you when a bad day is bad (And when it is, man, I just feel like my world is ending...) or when a day is good (and when it is man, I just feel like I'm on cloud nine...). I will always want to tell people goofy stories about Blair and I, and eventually Ellie, and eventually and Lord Willing, the other children He blesses us with. I hope and pray that I can learn to take delight in all these personalities, just like my Heavenly Father.

You know, there are seven kids in my family, and none of us are the same. We are all so brilliantly different, our spouses are so amazingly different, and my nieces and nephew are all so wonderfully different. Sure, some of share the same characteristics (my big brother Nate and I could be twins...and Josh and Evie are two peas in a pod..) but it's so wonderful. I'm thinking it would have been pretty boring for us if we were all alike. Not to mention my parents would have been bored out of their mind, we certainly made life interesting for them. Especially me and Josh...we used to fight a lot. :)

But the point is I like myself. I like who God has made me.

And I like that God made all these different people. I wish that we could all just see that in one another, and celebrate it. We aren't all alike. We don't think alike. And it's ok.

Really, truthfully, it's all good. :)