Service, Pride, Humility

I had a series of conversations today that made me want to write. I was actually writing this blog post on my way to work this morning, because, well, I'm a goofball, and despite what people think, I do like to think about what I'm going to say before I say it. At least, I think to myself "Hmm, maybe this could help someone else." See, in my Maddie brain, if it helps someone else, it's worth saying.

I am not quite sure where to start though. Really, everything that I thought about comes down to about three words; service, pride, humility. They all tie in together, even if you don't know that. I've had experience with each and every one of these these three things. I promise that I will try to make this make sense.

Service. As a definition this means "the act of helping or doing work for someone else". Synonyms are "a helping hand, favor, kindness, good turn." What I don't think they tell you though is that in serving someone else means you put that person above you. You make yourself less than that person, because you make that person more than you.

The kicker here is that I love to serve. I loved serving at camp, I loved serving at Missions Trips, I loved serving at Kids Camps, and at work. I love to help other people. Why? Why not? Something so simple can put such a big smile on someone else's face. Take a weight of their shoulders. Here lately though, I'm realizing that something can hold us back from allowing others to learn this lesson of service.

Pride. Definition in the form of a verb is "to be especially proud of a particular quality or skill." For example, I'm proud that I can cook dinner for my working husband, or I take pride in at least keeping my house looking semi-nice. However, pride can hold us back from saying, you know, I really do actually need help.

I think that sometimes, we allow Pride to tell us that in allowing someone else to Serve us means we are weak. Means we are not strong enough to do it by ourselves. You know what I'm really learning? Really?

I can not do diddly squat on my own. Nada. Nothing. Zero. 

I need my husbands help, my parents help, my churches help, my friends help, my Heavenly Fathers help, a stranger at Wal-Marts help when I can't get a cart to unhook. I need help. You need help.

Know what this is?

Humility. To be Humble. To define, "a modest or low view of ones own importance." Let me add to this. I don't think Humility means you say you do something badly, or that you can't take a compliment when you use the gifts and abilities our Creator has given you. It doesn't mean "No I never do anything well". It means that you know that sometimes your Pride keeps you from asking for Help. Or that your pride keeps you from allowing others to serve you, from allowing others to be the Hands and Feet of Jesus.

See this week got crazy. We got bills upon bills upon bills. Couple that with the fact that we've had bad weather and I don't work as much and we had a series of unforeseen things happen, it makes for stress. In my defense, I would like to say that I did very well and only cried about it ONCE! If you know me, this is a big deal. It's hard. When you see a sum of money that you owe for something you NEEDED, knowing that you just don't know how to pay it.

Do you want to know what song I've been thinking about this week, honestly? This song.

That's right, I just hit you with some Veggie Tales! I hope it made you smile. It makes me smile.

See, when we're little, things that go bump in the night make us scared. Now I'm an adult. I don't get so scared at night, not about that stuff, the Boogie Man is just a big snot monster, and snot don't scare me.

But there are other monsters. There are monsters of Fear, and Doubt, and Pride. Those monsters, those are real. Those are the monsters that I get scared of. The monsters of Debt, and Bills that are so big, that you just don't see how. I've prayed a lot this week. Ask God to remind me that it's ok to not know. That I don't have to fear this unknown.

I've asked God to help me swallow my Pride, which I have decided taste like rotten salad, and to help my very core be Humble, and to keep allowing others to Serve me. What's more important is that I've asked for help not to be ashamed that I have to ask for help. We shouldn't be ashamed to allow our Brothers and Sisters to be the hands and feet of Christ.

This is a season of my life, that is just continuing to go on and on. Some days I do remarkably well, and I'm able to forget that I'm sick. Some days...some days are just not ok, still. But my God is bigger than the Boogie Man of Shame, Bills, Doubt, Fear. My God is bigger. My God is Bigger. 

Somehow, He timed things perfectly. If I hadn't lost our precious baby in July, I wouldn't know how precious this little one is. I hold onto that with fists clenched tight. No matter how messy my house gets, no matter how many bills we have, no matter how dirty my kitchen gets. I hold onto the fact that our daughter, is growing. She's so big now I can't lay on my back comfortably. If, in the meantime, I have to ask for more help, so be it. I'm just learning to be Humble, to get rid of that Pride, and allow others to Serve.

Oh and I pray and I know that one day, one day, He will give me the chance to give back to someone else.