Labor. That's what. I'm so stupidly excited to be in labor. I can't truly explain it, and I won't try to hard, because there are plenty of people who are probably like "You have no idea, you'll hate it." No. I won't. And most woman, if they're honest, won't and don't either. Why? Because you have a tiny little baby that you carried around with you for 40ish weeks and you finally get to meet them.
Maybe I just grew up weird, with a Mommy who talked about Birth and Labor and nursed (gasp!) in front of her older children. Maybe it's because when I was really small, maybe 7 or 8, I found her Bradley Birthing Method book and looked through. Have you ever seen that book? 1, It's a wonderful book and incredibly useful for a laboring mom and her partner, 2, there are some awesome pictures of laboring women in it. I wasn't scared though, to me, it seemed perfectly natural. I saw the looks on the women's faces too, I could see that they were working HARD, but it never occurred to me that they were in pain, or hated what they had to go through. It never occurred to me that a 7/8 year old should or shouldn't be looking at pictures of women pushing babies out of their vagina's. Although for the longest time, I really did think we pooped babies out and got worried when I went number two. For real. That happened in my little kid brain. :)
Maybe it's because since becoming an adult, I've seen one of my best friends in labor three times. No joke. I was there. It was real life. Or maybe I'm not scared of home birth because I got to witness another amazing friend bring her son into the world, at home. I've seen it all and felt some of it. I got hold my friends belly while her taunt tummy contracted around her daughter. I've cried each time I've seen these things. To see the strength there, the beauty...why is our culture so afraid of birth? Why don't we support one another's choices to birth where and how we want?
See, I don't like being told what to do. When I'm in pain, or working hard, I normally put on head phones, turn on some music and retreat to a very primal place where I work hard and get a job done. I've done it with yard work, with painting, with cleaning, with loads of things. I also know when I need people to look me in the eyes and tell me "Yes, you can do this." Therein lies the Husband's job.
I have more dreams about the labor that I look forward to than giving birth to kittens or whatever else people say you dream about. I have dreams about squatting next to our bed, holding my husbands hands, looking him in the eyes, and pushing. I tell myself, even now, you know, you can DO this.
I'm not afraid. Oh but please don't think I don't have a healthy respect for labor and birth! Hence the reason I have a Midwife, hence the reason I have my mother who is also my Doula, because those woman, they know more than me medically wise. I have my primal instincts, but there are things I don't know, that they do. While I am not afraid, I have a healthy respect for what is unknown to me.
I was thinking about all this today because I have to be excited about something, I just find it amusing that I'm most excited about the part that most women are afraid of, or don't look forward too. I'm a little weird.
I was also thinking about all this, because I made a playlist for myself called Push, and I wanted to share it. These are songs, for whatever reason, that I want to listen to while I'm working like I'll have to. Some of them are funny, some of them are serious, some remind me how I am fearfully and wonderfully made, some remind me of my husband. I have my reasons. I'm sure I'll add more as time goes by, but it's just fun to share. :)
- Falling into You, our wedding song, Maw
- Be Born, Tally Hall
- Summertime, Mae
- We Are Gonna Be Friends, The White Strips
- Eye of the Tiger, Survivor
- Psalm 126 (You Have Done Great Things), Chris Tomlin/David Crowder, Passion
- Viva La Vida, Coldplay (a feel good song for me.)
- Easy Silence, Dixie Chicks
- Crags and Clay, Gungor
- Lullaby, Dixie Chicks
- Crazy, Gnarles Barkley
- Waiting for This, Hanson (I found this amusing)
- Sort Of, Ingrid Michealson
- God Will Lift Up Your Head, Jars Of Clay
- Blessing in the Storm, Kirk Franklin
- The Circle Of Life, Lion King (Hey man, it's true! I'm giving birth! It makes sense!)
- Doxology, Micheal Gungor (I need some Camp in there for strength)
- I Will Wait, Mumford and Sons
- Looks Like Love, Needtobreathe
- Not With Haste, Mumford and Sons
- Fireflies, Owl City
- I Miss You, Blink 182 (Long story, but I want it there!)
- Man, I Feel Like A Woman, Shania Twain (you can't get much more womanly than birth yo!)
- Such Great Heights, The Postal Service
- Us, Regina Spektor
- For the Moments I Feel Faint, Relient K
- Must Have Done Something Right, Relient K
- Captivated, Shawn McDonald
- I Celebrate the Day, Relient K (I know it's a "Christmas" song, but the lyrics are so good, and it would be a day to celebrate, no?)
- The Light, Sara Bareilles
It's all so exciting. And hey, we're almost there! Crazy to think that we're pretty much kinda half through our pregnancy waiting to meet our little girl.
You know, despite everything, God is Good.
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